In awe of the many syllogistic paroxysms I've heard and read since the re-election of President Obama, here's my paean to the genre:
The Twinkie was born in 1930--THE SAME YEAR THE NAZIS CAME IN SECOND PLACE IN GERMAN NATIONAL ELECTIONS! The same year the world was reeling from the '29 crash and the Great Depression.
Now get this. The Twinkie died in 2012--THE SAME YEAR OBAMA WON REELECTION TO THE PRESIDENCY! The same year the world is still recovering from the 2008 Great Recession. It's clear, we're about to fall under nationalist socialist rule. And the fact that so many Blacks and Latinos voted for a redistributive candidate means the commie Chinese are not far behind.
Folks, we are doomed unless we can revive Twinkies. We are doomed unless our allies in Congress can show that the lack of available Twinkies led to the breakdown of intelligence that permitted the Benghazi attack. We are doomed unless our allies in Congress show that it was lack of Hostess products that led General Petraeus into infidelity and Ambassador Susan Rice into what we Twinkie-loving people suspect is a Watergate-level affair.
And we all know that Hugo Chavez and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad have been stockpiling Twinkies, Ding-Dongs, and Ho-Hos, for years, damn them (fortunately, Colombia has enough Ring-Dings, for now, to hopefully deter the neighboring narco-terrorists).
Speaking of narco-terrorists, I can't seem to find the stash of vicodin that I carefully placed with my last Twinkies. No doubt Obamacare's to blame. . .along with all those unknown "dozens of black people" that voted in Maine, or maybe it's those 78-80 communists Florida Congressman Allen West has identified as serving alongside him. Obama won re-election. My feet are swollen. Must be a connection...
The Twinkie was born in 1930--THE SAME YEAR THE NAZIS CAME IN SECOND PLACE IN GERMAN NATIONAL ELECTIONS! The same year the world was reeling from the '29 crash and the Great Depression.
Now get this. The Twinkie died in 2012--THE SAME YEAR OBAMA WON REELECTION TO THE PRESIDENCY! The same year the world is still recovering from the 2008 Great Recession. It's clear, we're about to fall under nationalist socialist rule. And the fact that so many Blacks and Latinos voted for a redistributive candidate means the commie Chinese are not far behind.
Folks, we are doomed unless we can revive Twinkies. We are doomed unless our allies in Congress can show that the lack of available Twinkies led to the breakdown of intelligence that permitted the Benghazi attack. We are doomed unless our allies in Congress show that it was lack of Hostess products that led General Petraeus into infidelity and Ambassador Susan Rice into what we Twinkie-loving people suspect is a Watergate-level affair.
And we all know that Hugo Chavez and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad have been stockpiling Twinkies, Ding-Dongs, and Ho-Hos, for years, damn them (fortunately, Colombia has enough Ring-Dings, for now, to hopefully deter the neighboring narco-terrorists).
Speaking of narco-terrorists, I can't seem to find the stash of vicodin that I carefully placed with my last Twinkies. No doubt Obamacare's to blame. . .along with all those unknown "dozens of black people" that voted in Maine, or maybe it's those 78-80 communists Florida Congressman Allen West has identified as serving alongside him. Obama won re-election. My feet are swollen. Must be a connection...
No comments:
Post a Comment